Merry Christmas

First and foremost, I want to wish all of you your absolute best version of a very, very, very Merry Christmas!!!

Christmas Decorations at Downtown Disney

What a year it has been having concluded my last doctors appoinment for 2018.  Four appointments with my oncolgist, four appointments with my prosthetic eye artist, four appointments with my primary care physician, three appointments with my surgeon, one surgery to remove my left eye and cancerous tumor attached to it, one CT Scan, one MRI, one EKG and countless blood work.  Alas, not one partridge in a pear tree.

But so many good things.  My first trip to Scottsdale with Mela for Sprng Training to see my beloved SF Giants,  Wednesday’s with Rick,  dinner and drinks with close friends, regular lunches with my cousin, 5th wedding anniversary in Carmel with Mela, the love of my life, the Dodgers got beat like a tin drum in the World Series, so many beautiful sunrises and sunsets, my granddaughter turned 2, my dear Sam is still doing great, Mela is five years cancer free and of course the wedding of he century to name a few.

I think my primary goal for 2019 is to simply reduce my doctor appointments by about 80 percent and the same for my two four legged friends. My Sam with his cancer and broken leg.  He is a poster child for bad ass and my sweet Lila with her Addisons’s disease.  She needs a shot every 25 days but hopefully that will be our only vet visit next year.

One of my nephews, Chris, is a marathon runner. A very good one.  He was regularly running a marathon in the 3 hour and 20 minute range.  He recently upped his training regimen and in my opinion reached elite runner status.  He recently finished a marathon in 2 hours and 50 minutes. He followed that up a month later with the CIM, with a cold, in 2 hours and 55 minutes.  It was great to see him finish. 

But it also sucks. It planted a seed. Can I do it next year at 59 years of age? I plan to. I am confident I can get in the physical condition to at least finish but I have not really tested these old joints in a long time. Worst case I will be in better shape. My primary goal will be to get across the finish line even if I have to crawl but will train to finish in about 5 and a half hours. So if you see a guy out there running along the American River Bike Trail with a patch over his left eye, it is probably me.

I passed my real estate exam earlier this year but have not yet done much but my goal is to sell 12 homes next year.  Who wants to be first? No worries. Mela who has been doing this for over 15 years will help this rookie. And word has it that I have an eye for real estate. 

Mela and I have Italy on our agenda for September.  I really need a vacation. Hopefully a few short road trips with Sam and Lila throughout the year.

I plan to learn Lightroom, a photography editing etc. program as well as getting a lot of my film images scanned.

I think we all need, plans, goals, dreams or something to look forward to.  They are what keeps us going when we suffer the setbacks of lifes trials and tribulations.  Life happens.

Be forewarned, I have heard from a couple of my readers, otherwise known as a majority, that they have enjoyed my blog and should keep it going. So who knows.

I hope that you all have a very Happy New Year that is full of joy, abundance, health, peace and prosperity.

In the meantime, Be Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble and God Bless!!!

Looking A Gift Horse in the mouth

I know it is with the best of intentions so some of you may think I am an ungrateful ass after reading this but that is okay.  I don’t care. But you have to admit it is the perfect photo for the post.

Anyway I have been on a unique, challenging and unwelcomed journey for the past seven plus months.  I have been blessed with a tremendous outpouring of love, friendship and support.  However, I get so annoyed when so people tell me that my brain will adapt or your good eye will increase its field of vision to compensate etc.  Sorry but you have no idea what you are talking about - if for no other reason than everyone is a little bit different.  Also please refrain from telling me about your friend that is a great golfer with one eye, or that he/she has gone back to doing everything they used to do even better than before.

Perhaps I should not be writing this missive in a bad mood but it has not been a good couple of days - not related at all to the eye  but just not a good couple of days.  And I decided to get this off my chest prior to the holidays.

I do not want to speak for anyone else that has gone through a mental or physical life changing experience but I am open to questions about my journey.  Everybody is different and everybody has their story.  I have used this forum to articulate my story while  trying to make it informative about the process.  It may be presumptous on my part but I think it is a pretty good version of Eye Cancer for Dummies while being a decent read.

While I am happy to answer questions but if you are someone I see on occasion and I have given you my card with the website for my blog and asked you to read it please do not ask any questions indicating you clearly have not read it.  I get that does not make sense but hopefully those of you that are reading this can share with my non readers.  I have been more open and candid in this forum and subject than anything else in the 58 years I have been around. You can share with the non-readers I am thinking about doing a  video of me reading my blog for You Tube.

If you could not care less that is okay.  Or better yet if you simply wish to talk about the SF Giants, the PGA or damn near anything else that is okay too. i greatly appreciate those of you that have followed along with me on this journey and have thought I would be done with these missives on several occasions and yet here I am.  Again I will be doing a year end holdiday wrap up in December and am thinking that is it - but who knows.

God Bless!

Happy Thanksgiving.........

This Thanksgiving I am so grateful and thankful for my dear sweet Sam.  Of course I am thankful for my family and close circle of friends, and Lila of course.  But these past seven plus months Sam and I have ventured down the road of cancer together.  Comrades in Arms. Cancer Warriors. We have each carried each orther at different times. Never leaving one anothers side. Cancer took his front leg and my left eye (I still miss it) but not our spirits.

Me and Sam

But the year has been challenging.  As you may recall Sam got a deep tissue cancer around the first of March.  Mela and I thought we might have to put him to rest around April 1.   Then I was diagnosed with choroidal melanoma on April 6 and Sam proceeded to get better.  I guess he knew I would need him and him me.  And Lila keeps both of us on our toes.  I suppose that is what girls do.

But the days of ‘tree tag’ have waned.  Going back about six years I would come up the hill from work still in my suit and my Alden dress shoes to Mela’s home and Sam would come running out to meet me for a game of tree tag.  I would run around the scrub oak trees like an idiot and Sam would run and jump.  Mind you it was dark and Sam is a black standard poodle.  I am sure neighbors did not see Sam and wondered why some man is running around the yard like he is on fire. I did not care.  We have developed an inseparable bond.

I will continue to count so many blessings chief among them is that Mela has been five years cancer free.  And I hope that Sam and I will post another picture here in four years when we will have been cancer free for close to five years.

Happy Thanksgiving & God Bless

Eye on the Fires and More

My heart goes out to all those in Butte County and Southern California that are enduring these horrific fires.  The loss of property and tragic loss of life is unfathomable.  For  tunately a lot of people are doing a lot of good.  Our church, Vintage Grace, and others are sending up water and blankets.  Our contractor, Todd Bolger is going up with his food truck and cooking for a couple of days.  His barbecue is amazing.  I am donating 30 percent of all of my framed fine art black and white; and hand tinted black and whtite photography to the Camp Fire Recovery.  I know there are countless others that are doing good works during this most difficult time.

Weathered Barn near Homewood, CA

I have come to find the fires/poor air quality are really hard on my prosthetic eye.  It is not really the prosthetic eye but the eye socket.  It drains all the time and gets really irritated.  I leave the eye in virtually all the time but have taken it out several times over the last few days to rinse it and my eye socket due to the discharge from my eye socket.

I have recently found a Facebook page, Lost Eye, which is self explanatory.  I have found a couple of posts where people will wear an eye patch over their prosthetic eye during extreme cold, really high winds or poor air quality.  So if you see me with an eye patch I am not playing pirate unless of course Mela decides she likes that.

It was not more than a couple of days before the fires that I had my appointment with Eric Lindsey, my prosthetic eye artist.  He cleaned and polished my eye.  Apparently, I will do this about every six months.  I would like to going to your jeweler and having your ring cleaned or maybe it is more like seeing your dentist. I will go with the jeweler comparison since I am not a good dental patient.

This past weekend Mela and I went to go see Free Solo.  It is a movie about Alex Honnold free climbing El Capitan in Yosemite.  I used to work out with Alex’s aunt and have followed his climbing career as well as that of Jimmy Chin, a renowned “adventure” photographer and cinematographer who filmed the movie. It was a great film.  Talk about mindset.  Every move Alex makes on the mountain is literally life and death.  This one eyed wonder needs to step it up a notch.  I am getting there.  

God Bless!

Happy Halloween......

First the good news, perhaps not for all but hopefully most.  My chest X-Ray and MRI came back clean.  The cancer has not spread to my liver or lungs so I have a few more sunsets ahead.  However, I will be getting a couple of MRI’s each year for the next 3 to five years.

So, yes I made it through the MRI unscathed.  I kept my eyes closed about 99 percent of the time and never did look sideways.  I did not want to acknowledge how small the tube was.  And I let my mind wander.  I think it is the better part of valor to leave it at that.

For those that have been following along I did not meet my fitness goal but I have lost 4 to 5 pound since September 1 and am successfully keeping it off - but a few more to go.  Not too mention the muscle mass and body fat indices.

Pre-dinner snack after flight to LA

Now the good stuff.  Mela and I went to LA this past weekend to visit Nicole, Dwight and most importantly our granddaughter, Niko. We were joined by our other daughter Gina and her beau, Steven both of whom live in San Francisco.

Niko at Saturday Breakfast

Niko in the LA art district

We had a great weekend eating and drinking our way through LA.  Friday night we all met for dinner and drinks at a casual place in Echo Park.  It had a lot of beers on tap and a lot of TV’s that had the game on.  Unfortunately, as a life long Giants fan the place also had a lot of Dodger fans.

Saturday, we had a late breakfast at a place near their apartment before ubering to the LA art district to shop and meander about.  Of course we had to stop at Manuela’s around Noon for craft cocktails, oysters and house made biscuits with pear butter.  Then off to downtown LA, more specifically, Bottega Louies for our mid-afternoon snack.  They have phenonomenal food but I think are known for their pastries and macaroons.  One of the employees was very kind and gave Niko a pink macaroon. She was in heaven.

That evening Gina and Steven met up with some of their friends for dinner in Santa Monica.  Mela and I took Nicole, Dwight and Niko out for a belated birthday dinner for Nicole at the Park.  The food was excellent but the restaurant was quiet which I attribute to the fact the did not have any TV’s and it was game 4 of the World Series.

Sunday was brunch at the Alcove in Silverlake and then just hanging out at the kids apartment until we had to catch our flight home. We got to the airport early and watched game 5 while we had a bite to eat at Rock N Brews.  Our flight was delayed two hours but the good news is I was able to watch the Dodgers succumb to a crushing defeat against the Boston Red Sox in the 2018 World Series. Heck, even the Cubs have won a series in each of the last two centuries. 

Anyway, I spent the last few paragraphs musing about the only thing that really matters at the end of the day - family.  It was a great weekend. Oh, and Niko is going to be a dinosaur for Halloween.

God Bless!

MRI

As it turns out, MRI does not mean - still got “My Right I”.  Who knew?  According to webmd it stands for magnetic resonance imaging and is a test that uses powerful magnets, radio waves, and a computer to make detailed pictures inside your body.

My MRI is slated for this Saturday at 1:45 pm.  If I were to list a million things to do on a Saturday afternoon an MRI would not be one of them.  In scheduling the appointment, the woman, I believe Holly asked a number of screening questions including - are you calustrophobic to which I replied - yes a little bit.  She followed up with you do know you will be in a tube.  Yes, I know.  She did not add on that everyone does great etc. Just the next question.

In telling Mela last evening about my upcoming MRI she added that it is incredibly loud.  Yeah - a tiny loud tube. Additionally, my daughter, Nicole told me about a month ago that it was one of Dwight’s worst experiences.  I will just have to go to my ‘happy place’.  Think Happy Gilmore.  If I need to explain this I do not know that we can be friends.  

After concuding with all the screening questions including do I have any metal in my body - I guess due to the magnetic thing - Holly provided a few brief instructions.  Essentially nothing to eat or drink except clear liquids two hours prior to the MRI.  I forgot to ask if vodka counted as a clear liquid.

Those of you that know me - know I can get anxious and am not looking forward to this procedure but the results it will provide are far more critical.  It will show whether the cancer has returned and spread to my liver and lungs.  I will get the results when I next see my oncologist - on Halloween.

God Bless!

Eagle Eye..........

Joe Walsh is a 70 year-old bad ass.  His guitar playing this past Tuesday was a masters class in performance.  Sheer artistry.  Mela and I along with another couple went to the Eagles Concert at the Golden 1 in Sacramento this past Tuesday.  The show was phenomenal.  They played for over two and a half hours.  It was an amazing evening.  We thoroughly enjoyed it.

I love music and have great appreciation for the art. Part of that is - I can’t sing.  Can’t dance.  Hell, I can’t even clap along to a song.  That doesn’t matter as much anymore with my loss of depth of field.  My hands stop about an inch from each other or completley pass each other like trains in the night.  Just kidding. It is not that bad but for the complete absence of rythym part.

It was also cool that Deacon Frey, the son of Glen Frey played with the band.  I think it was Don Henly that so eloquently put it.  We have lost a brother, friend and leader but we have gained a son.  I hope that Glen and Deacon had their share of time playing together.  The height of my professional career in government affairs was working with my dad.  I learned a lot and would not have had it any other way.  Well, being a rock star could have been cool too.

Well enough about this classic iconic rock band whose career has spanned decades and whose music is just as relevant today as the day it was written.  This is all about me (hopefully this is not the first post your reading.  If so close it now and go to the beginning.)  At 58 years of age and half-blind I have gotten my first prescription glasses. I spent significantly more than the two pair for $78 but I have a large head and like the Oakley style frame where the ear piece goes straight back as you can see.  But I did get something of a deal. I only need the prescription in one lense.  Mela would not let me get a monocle.

My new prescription shades

But it is not all fun and games.  My cancer is a rare bird only impacting 6 in every one million people or 1 in every 166,000.  That is like filling the LA Coliseum twice or 4 sold out games at AT&T Park.  I think most people would take those odds.  But for me - tag you are it.

As a kid I remember talking about on occasion with friends what sense would you be willing to lose.  I think I said hearing but being very emphatic about not losing my sight. I miss my eye.  The most notorious gang, the Cancer Gang has a mean streak.  Let’s take this guy that is a visual learner and photographer and take his eye.  Then on top of that he is claustrophobic so we will have him do an MRI about three times a year for the rest of his life to see if his cancer has spread to his liver and lungs.

It has only been about five months since I was diagnosed and despite my occasional rants I am incredibly grateful for all the support, quality  of care and the progress I have made to date.  I feel good and have returned to a number of activities that I enjoy but some days are tough and I just want to chill with my poodle posse.  They are always glad to see me, never complain and always listen to my story.  

God Bless!

It is always something'.....

Okay.  By a show of hands.  Who else has left a nice restaurant or any restaurant for that matter with their in eye in a to-go cup?

My eye container for the evening.

Mela and I were at the Hey Day Cafe in Placerville this past Saturday with another couple.  We had enjoyed a wonderful charcuterie plate as an appetizer, each had soup and entree, wine and concluded  the meal sharing one of their signature desserts complements of the chef.  We were sitting at one of the high top tables and had finished our meal and were continuing to converse.  It had been a long day and I started to rub my eye a bit. It comes out and hits the table before bouncing to the floor.  I quickly get down and pick it up before someone proceeds to step on it.  Andrea, our dinner guest is kind enough to go ask for a to-go container.  It is always somethin’.

View of Macy's and Union Square from our room at the Grand Hyatt

It has been almost two weeks but we had a great weekend in the City with Gina and Steven.  We thoroughly enjoyed meeting his parents and his grandmother.  We had a wonderful dinner at the Park Tavern and brunch the next day just with Gina and Steven at Pt. Cavallo. 

The Golden Gate Bridge from Pt. Cavallo

But this past Labor Day weekend our Lila had thrown up on Saturday night and was lethargic on Sunday. Mind you Lila has always lived life full throttle, pedal to  the metal, guns blazin, where’s the next party exuberance - so her being lethargic was way out of character.  Monday was not better so I called the vet and got voicemail.  The doctor returned my call but the office was closed so I had an early appointment for Tuesday.  Our poor sweetie has been diagnosed with Addison’s.  In short she is not generating some needed steroids and consequently she will be getting a monthly shot and some other ora medication I believe for the rest of her life.  She is doing much better but I do not know if she will get back to her silly self.

As I believe you all know Mela has had colorectal cancer.  Just recently five years clean.  Very blessed.  The reason for my blog has been to share my story on my journey with choroidal melanoma, Sammy had cancer and now our dear Lila has Addison’s.  It is always somethin’.  The Fratarvaloff’s need a break.  Some days it is tough to count blessings but number 1 is that we all have each other and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

It hasn’t  been until the last couple of weeks that I have truly felt mentally and physically back in the game.  So I decided to set a goal - a health/fitness goal by October 1.  I think it is challenging but doable.  I need to lose some weight but mostly improve my skeletal muscle mass and reduce my percentage of body fat.  Lifetime has these fancy scale that provide all that information.  It is currently showing me an image of a marshmallow.  I liken the scale to Jack Nicholson in a Few Good Men. “You can’t handle the truth!!!”  I am willing to cut myself some slack on slower weight loss but only so long as my SMM and PBF continue to improve.  Nice to have a goal to work toward.

It is always somethin’.  But need to remember that every day is special - maybe not a good day but still special because you are here and have an chance to make it  better for yourself and hopefully someone else.  

God Bless!

To be or not to be........

That is the question.

Sorry, I am back. Not sure at this point if it is an epilogue, pre-quel, sequel, out takes or a never ending story.  The blog has had most everything but a little culture so  thought I would take a few words from a well known playwright.

Sam took some offense to my culture comment. He stated that any reference to a standard poodle clearly adds an aire of culture and sophistication to any story line. Sammy the Bad Ass and Big Red, also know as Sam and Lila continue to be my faithful and loyal entourage.  Sam retains his dignity despite his splint and Lila continues to strut around with a half a bullystick hanging out her mouth like an old man with a bad cigar.

Older picture of me and Sam

The real question is to 1a, to 1b or to 2 (no bad ballet pun intended). Dr. Tsai called late yesterday afternoon. He had said that he had read my blog and had enjoyed it which I greatly appreciated.  

A few people have commented that they enjoyed my blog or found it entertaining - but almost with a sense of embarrassment.  But I take it as a most high  compliment.  My intent has been to share my story.  I hope people that have dared follow along have been informed, perhaps smiled or even laughed, or found some hint of value in my musings.

However, the primary purpose of Dr Tsai's call was my biopsy results.  As you may recall 1a is great news, box 1b is very good news and box 2 sucks. Box 1a is like your A plus student, 1b is likened to a A minus, B plus student and Box 2 is your failing student. You have read this far. Box 1b it is.  Specifically, there is a 93 percent chance it does not return in three years and a 79 percent chance it does not return in five years.  Pretty good Vegas odds if yor’re a betting man.  Pretty good news.

Frankly if I was 25 and not 58 years old I would be more disappointed. But at 58 there is probably a pretty good chance that there is 7 percent odds of something happening to me.  Flirting a little bit more with the 21 percent odds over five years but those are the cards I was dealt.

I had at one point mentioned biopsy result drinking day but I do not think so.  I have tried to keep cancer as a key character actor and never the leading man - so no credit will be given to the biopsy result.  But please feel free to hoist your favorite beverage in celebration of life.  I will be meeting Rick tonight.  In the words of Janis Joplin - Tomorrow never comes.  Shakespeare and Joplin in the same blog post. Pretty cool.

What’s next?  I think some road trips.  Mela is not a fan of road trips but I find them peaceful and may have to do a few with my entourage. I have mentioned before that I love 395.  I find it interesting that a such a stark and unforgiving landscape provides me with such peace.  September of next year is Italy. But before any road trips or excursions to Italy I will need gas money so full steam ahead on the real estate front.

This weekend is dinner in the city with our daughter, Gina and her beau Steven and his folks.  Next month is our other daughters, Nicole, 25th birthday and our granddaughter, Nikola, turns 2.  Time flies.

I will also be getting an MRI next month, seeing Dr. Tsai in October, my prosthetic eye artist, Eric, in November and my primary care physician, Dr. Kujok, in December. I guess I am making up for all those years that were doctor free. If I can have as many years with doctors appointments as I did without I will be in great shape.

Perhaps Sammy the Bad Ass, Big Red and myself will start a Poodles On the Run Blog so stay tuned.

God Bless!

Five Years. A love story.......

First things first.  Katy’s in Carmel has the best breakfast ever.  In eyeing the menu this  past Sunday I noticed they combined two of the most delicious breakfasts known to man.  Genius.  For the few I have to explain this to -  Eggs Benedict and Hash. Decision made.  Sipping my hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles ( I like to think more child-like than childish) I wondered if it could be as good as it sounds. Wonder no more. Sooooo good.

Katy's, Best Breakfast

The reason Mela and I were in Carmel this past weekend is kind-of-a big deal.  Just under six years ago she said Yes and Saturday, August 11 was our five year wedding anniversary.  I am very blessed.  We share several things in common some of which I would not wish on anybody.  We have both been thru cancer, each divorced one time, each lost a parent arguably sooner than we should have, a love of dogs and both born the same year but that is another story. Mostly we share an unwavering commitment and unconditional love for each other.

Mela, my love

The long weekend in Carmel was just what the doctor ordered.  Clean fresh air, great food, shopping, the ocean and each other.  Friday we had an excellent light late lunch at Pepper’s in Pacific Grove - one of my favorites and a dinner of Crab and Lobster Ravioli while Mela had he Cioppino and wine of course at Little Napoli in Carmel. We love good food.

Saturday was a leisurely drive down the coast.  This was the first time I had taken out my camera since my diagnosis - excluding the wedding of the century of course.  I never really did ask Sean why he kept the wedding under wraps.  The only thing I could figure is he did want to undermine the wedding of Harry and Megan.  He has always been gracious that way.

Beautiful coastline along Hiway 1

Anyway it was a beautiful day and felt good to take some images.  It was funny. I used manual focus on several occasions.  The autofocus actually focuses on where your eye is looking - but my eye was apparently not looking where I was focusing on.  Our drive concluded just south of Pfeiffer State Park at a restaurant on the coast named Nepenthe.  The views were extraordinary.  Mela enjoyed a chilled white wine while I had a beer and we shared a caprese salad and a grilled artichoke.  Did I say we also share a love for food and thankfully working out. A good day.

Sunday we bummed around Carmel after our late breakfast at Katy’s and sadly Monday we headed home - to our demoed master bath and closet.  We finally pulled the trigger on the remodel.

This coming weekend we are having dinner with long time friends at Mulvaney’s in Sacramento and the following weekend will find us in the City to have dinner with our daughter, Gina, her beau, Steven and his folks.

I share this because a lot of good is happening including a planned trip to Italy next September - and I am immensely grateful.  I have not yet heard regarding my genetic mark-up from the biopsy. I would be lying if I said I was not anxious but my level of concern has diminished. 

I hope  the blog has been both informative and entertaining.  I have found it quite therapeutic so thank you for following along.  I am not going away but not sure where my ‘voice’ takes me on this or other journeys. Stay tuned……..

God Bless!