I Love the F-Word

The F-Word has the capacity to bring me a profound sense of joy and peace with this journey I am on. I don’t know that I can go a week, heck a day or even an hour without profound use of the F-Word.

Faith, Family, Friends, Friday, Food, February (birthday month). Fun, Flog (golf backwards - sometimes golf is like being flogged), Fratarcangeli (Mela’s last name), Fotography and of course my Francisco Giants. Okay, I took some literary license.

I would be lost without the F-Word. I try to use and exercise the F-Word at every opportunity. It helps me focus - hey another one. And helps with my mindset, gratefulness, joy, think, laugh and live my life with increased intention and perhaps a little urgency in the best way.

As you can see I should not be left alone too long with my own thoughts. I think it  being Friday, February 13 helped trigger this. In case you were wondering F$&k Cancer can count too.

Stay Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble and God Bless!

A Few of My Favorite Things..........

A Few of my Favorite Things……….

Family, Photography and our National Parks. For five glorious days cancer and the concerns of this world did not exist. Even the travel days were amazing in that it was a drive down and up US 395.

Mela and I set out Wednesday, February 4 for Death Valley. The drive down US 395 did not disappoint. Stunning. Of course a drive down 395 has to include a lunch stop at Schatt’s Bakery in Bishop. Mela and I have had the pleasure to dine at several Michelin Star restaurants in the past. I am not entirely sure what goes into being awarded a Michelin Star but am quite certain that if sandwiches were included Schatt’s would have at least one star. Let’s start with the bread. Amazing. If it was any fresher it would slap me. Then the ingredients. So Good!

Enjoying Lunch at Schat’s!

I ordered the hot pastrami and swiss on rye and Mela opted for the roasted turkey on sourdough. We kind of flip flopped on the way home. She ordered the hot pastrami and swiss and I ordered the Santa sandwich. Roast turkey with cranberry mayo. Delectable. We also bought some Valentine’s cookies for our granddaughter, Niko. On our way home we bought cookies, cinammon raisin bread and coffee cake. Little piggies.

We arrived at the Inn at Death Valley around 5 PM.  We had dinner and a drink at the Last Kind Words Saloon located at the Inn’s sister property, the Ranch a half mile down the road. The gentleman sitting next to us was from Folsom, CA. What were the odds? He had been coming to Death Valley for each of the last 10 years. Most everyone we talked to had a story. A book could be written.

Thurdsay, February 5 (my birthday) we got up and explored the property. Truly a spring fed oasis in the desert. Just beautiful grounds. After breakfast we drove to the visitor center to chat with the ranger, get a map etc so we could plan our adventures. One upside of being a senior. I was able to get a one year pass for all of our National Parks for a mere $20. A lifetime pass was $80 but not sure I need that.

It was then time for our massage. Felt great. I had more knots than a Boy Scout Jamboree Camp. Our kids - daughter Nicole, husband Dwight and our granddaughter Niko arrived. So grateful to celebrate my birthday with family.

We wiled away the afternnon poolside while Niko swam and played in the pool. That evening was an excellent birthday dinner at the Inn’s restaurant.

I wanted to get an early start the next day and everyone indulged me. We all grabbed our coffee and were off by 7AM. First stop was the BadWater Basin. So surreal. We were the only ones there and it added to the almost eerie feeling. I think it would have lost a lot if there were even 20 plus people out on the salt flat. Next stop. Artist Pallet. Again quiet. No people traipsing around interfering with yours truly trying to take pictures. I think even my entourage was grateful we got an early start. There were actually a number of clouds in the sky keeping the light soft so we continued our journey. Zabriske Point and Dante’s View. Hard to describe but spectacular. Our sightseeing concluded around one. Time for lunch and the pool.

The Gang on the Salt Flats at BadWater Basin

That evening around 6 we went to the Last Kind Words Saloon for dinner. Outside the restaurant was a large patio with a few tables. A woman had her set-up and was singing. A beautiful voice. We went inside ordered drinks and food to go so we could listen to her sing. Amazing. We sat there enjoying drinks and her singing for 2 hours.

Roelle Singing on the Patio

Now for the rest of the story. Her name is Roelle. She moved from Puerto Rico. She searched US jobs that included lodging. There was an opening at the bike shop in Death Valley. So she moved. It gets better. That following Monday was her televised audition on American Idol. Mela and I are admittedly American Idol fans - so super cool. She made it through. Everyone has a story.

Saturday was another early start to our adventures including the dunes and a volcanic created crater. We were done around noon so again time for lunch. The kids had to get back that day so they headed out. Such a great time. Once again Mela and I went poolside. Warmest day yet. We actually got in. The water is very warm. Felt good.

One last dinner at the Inn. Got up relatively early, packee-up, grabbed some coffee and hit the road. Not having eaten breakfast we salivated just thinking about our upcoming stop at Schatt’s. We got home to see the boring second half of the Super Bowl.

A trip for the ages.

Stay Strong, Be Humble, Be Kind and God Bless!

No Good Side Effects...............

Well it has been 15 months of treatment. First, let me say I am crazy glad to still be here. Apparently the drugs are working. Back in November and December 2024 the two drug treatments had some rather severe side effects that I won’t rehash here. The last13 single drug infusions have had no real side effects other than a little fatigue.

The other side effect which I guess is kind of good is Vertiglio - which is the loss of pigment in your skin. The good news is people undergoing treatment that develop this tend to do better. I won’t call it bad but the other piece is that it is on my forehead and head - I am bald which we will get back to.

My forehead and the top of my head now look like a lost channel of islands in the South Pacific. Thinking about this I thought I should get a tatoo. A big X on one of the islands - like X marks the spot for buried treasure. I thought it would really complement the look when I wear my patch when the air quality is bad. My wife, Mela, nixed the idea. Did not think it was entirely fair given she has two. Oh well………

Anyway no good side effects. Let me say the cancer has not spread or grown. So grateful. Still I have had 15 infusions of harsh drugs and not one good side effect. Still bald, still crummy toe nails ( no pictures - you’re welcome). Lucky for Mela I still have my rugged good looks! Here’s to hope and humor.

Yours Truly………..

Stay Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble and God Bless!

I Love our National Parks..........

I truly have a deep heartfelt appreciation for our National Parks. My parents gave me and my sister the gift of treasuring our National Parks. For years growing up they were an integral part of the classic summer vacation. We had the very distinct pleasure of visiting many of the parks that dot the western United States - no so much the east coast.

Through my travels as a boy and to this time I have been to the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, Sequoia-Kings, Yosemite, Lassen, Crater Lake, Mt Ranier, Mt Rushmore, Bryce, Zion, Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, Big Bend and others. What a joy! I treasure them all but if pressed I think I would have to say the Tetons is my favorite.

Me and my beautiful daughter, Nicole in 2010

I was maybe 13. My Dad and I were taking a guided raft trip down the Snake River. The guide was maybe 20. A raft guide during the summer months and probably a ‘ski bum’ in the winter. Not a bad life. He was going to tell us how the park got its name but first mentioned that he once and three nuns on the raft and took great delight in the forthcoming story. The name stems from French-Canadian fur trappers who called the range “Les Trois Tetons” - Grand, Middle and South - because the three peaks resembled breasts when viewed from the west. And that is how we came to Big Breast National Park.

On a different note we visited Big Bend National Park when we were living in Dallas, Texas during my Dad’s last stint with corporate America. The park borders Mexico at one point. Our folks, my sister and myself were just standing on the U.S side of the border with the Rio Grande River providing the border to Mexico. I do not recall it being more than ankle deep. I was around 11 years of age and my sister about 13.  There were 2 Mexicans that each had a burro. They were offering a burro ride across into Mexico and back for probably all of 50 cents. My parents splurged. Still not sure if they wanted us back. This is probably called human trafficking today. So many great memories.

My birthday is in February. We will be going to a National Park in California that I have not yet visited. Take a wild guess. Death Valley of course. What other National Park would you visit when you have been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I am really looking forward to the trip. Our daughter Nicole, huband Dwight and our granddaughter Niko are all joining me and Mela. I could not ask for more. Great memories and hopefully some great photos.

Stay Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble & God Bless!

Maybe Not Me...........

As the three of you know that read my occasional therapy, I was diagnosed with ocular melanoma in April of 2018. I had surgery that May to remove my left eye and the cancerous tumor that had attached itself to my eye.  At that time there was no statistical survival rate if it returned. It typically likes the liver and the lungs if it does metastasize. Anyway, I would have been told to get my affairs in order if it had come back in the following months.

Me and my bestie, Lila

From 2018 up unitl September 2024 I had been getting two MRI’s a year to see if the cancer had returned. That fateful September the results showed a spot on my liver. It was back. Treatable but not curable. Terminal. But that is not the story.

Throughout 2025, I drove to San Francisco every four weeks for my appointment with my oncologist, Dr Kim and get my immunotherapy infusion which I continue to do. I was also getting an MRI about every eight weeks in 2025. I am glad to say that the MRI’s are now quarterly. I am incredibly grateful to Dr Kim and my entire medical team as well as my friends and family that make this journey a little more palatable.

We are getting there. The treatment I am under is part of a clinical trial. I am essentially a lab rat. So much progress has been made on this cancer but this particular cancer is definitely not burdened with research dollars. It is very rare. Oh so grateful for the progress that has been made in the last 16 months and glad I am still here! My oncologist keeps mentioning the 5-7 year patients that are still kicking so we shall see.

Back to the lab rat - Subject 123XYZ. I don’t know that happy is the right word but was more than happy to be part of this trial. I hoped it worked and so far so good. But selfishly, I had lost sight of the bigger picture. Maybe the bigger picture was out of my left eye…..

The day after Christmas I was able to see my oldest, John, and his family. I was discussing my cancer, treatment and clinical trial with him. He said in so many words that my care and treatment may lead to a breakthrough that can save thousands. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

I brought this up at our Life Group this past week and was asked if I had thought of the trial in this way. Maybe at some level but not really, Shame on me. Not sure what God’s plan is but to tell my story - there is hope and joy - and hopefull lay the groundwork for helping others with this cancer through this clinical. My teeny tiny part. To the future when cancer is gone. Maybe not me………

Stay Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble & God Bless!

Champagne Problems........

A week or maybe two ago, Mela and I watched a movie. Nothing memorable by any means. Maybe it was even the title or just a line in the movie - Champagne Problems. It struck me which perhaps was enough from an otherwise forgettable movie. I think most of my problems as I make it through any given day fall in this category.

But I do have to say the whole half-blind, terminal cancer thing are, in my opinion, Pabst Blue Ribbon, perhaps Old Milwaukee problems at best. Or is anyone else old enought to remember fortified wine. Afterall I am going back about half a century. The drink of choice for the hobo community - todays homeless but I do recall them as being more gentlemanly. I digress but Thunderbird was the known brand of fortified wine back in the day.

I think the new year, the movie, Mela and I opening a particularly nice bottle of champagne, Dom Perignon, on New Year’s Eve, completing one full calendar year with terminal cancer and our church service have me rambling on about this.

I have said before how crazy grateful I am for faith, family, friends, insurance, great medical team and on and on. And I honestly feel I do a pretty good job of “living my life”. Nothing much matters anymore. The little stuff - the cares of the world. But God. I would be lying if I said the cancer thing did not sneak in. Mela and I go to our church on Sunday - Vintage Grace and everytime I leave my problems behind. Yet I go home and so many times I make my way to the family room and sure enough there is my ‘problem’ on the mantle like an Elf on the Shelf with that miserable smirk. Thankful for the grace and mercy that I am constantly shown.

Stay Strong, Be Humble, Be Kind and God Bless!

Happy New Year..........

First I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas, wonderful holiday season wishing everyone a safe, happy and prosperous New Year. I very much enjoyed Christmas and seeing family. We spent Christmas in SF with our two daughters, their respective husbands and two grandchildren. Seeing Christmas thru the little ones eyes is a treat. I was blessed the day after Christmas with a visit from my oldest, John, his wife Sarah and two boys. I had not seen him in two years since his promotion to Lt. Colonel and it was great to see him and family. Most grateful.

The whole motley crew

I spent the last three days of 2025 taking care of bloodwork, driving to San Francisco to see my oncologist, Dr Kim, receiving my immunotherapy infusion and concluded with my MRI and CT scan on New Year’s Eve. My wife, Mela accompanied me for the first time in a number of months and we did a pretty good job of eating our way thru SF in between appointments.  Donuts but not any donut - Johnny’s Donuts, Lobster Rolls and Italian. My next infusion appointment is the end of January and happy to report that I am going from getting MRIs every six weeks to every 12 weeks.

Anyway the bloodwork was good and neither the MRI or CT scan showed any spreading or growith of the disease - just some remnants of what has been a lingering chest cold.  While maybe not a clean bill of health certainly a stable bill of health. I am immensely grateful. At the risk of a bad military analogy I am very much aware that not all of us soldiers leave the battlefield and make it home. That is not lost on me. I have finished my first full calendar year with terminal cancer. A good part of 2025 was hard - not bad - but hard. I enter 2026 healthy but for……… I look forward to helping Mela more with her real estate company, Onyx Real Estate, more golf, more photography, more family and more fun.

Stay Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble and God Bless!

Plans for New Years Eve

Well I have the last three days of the year dialed in. Not exacltly what I would have planned if left to my own devices but looking forward all the same albeit in a slightly perverse manner.

Technically four days. We will start Sunday, December 28 at our church, Vintage Grace at the early service - 8:15 AM. Per our usual we will sit in the front row next to Dan & Anita, our dear friends from Life Group. They always save us a seat. This will hopefully lay the foundation for the days to follow. Probably watch some football that day and the 49ers have the Sunday Night Game.

Monday, December 29 I will get my bloodwork done at Quest Diagnostics. Only a 20 minute exercise but more prelim for the big days. Up bright and early on Tuesday, December 30 to drive to San Francisco to see my oncologist, Dr Kim and my immunotherapy infusion cocktail. And then to lunch and our kids house to spend the night.  Wednesday, December 31, New Years Eve I will get up early and go get my MRI and CT Scan. Will spend about 90 minutes of the last day of the year in a tube. At the conclusion I will be hungry since I have to fast so late breakfast or lunch will be in order before heading home.

So why the heck would I look forward to any of this? Good question. It is my greatest - prayer, wish, hope, desire, manifestation, ambition that I end the year cancer free and will receive that precious news on December 31, 2025.

Should I be so fortunate I will have a champagne toast with my wife, Mela and probably have an early night.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Stay Strong, Be Humble, Be Kind and God Bless!

No Bad Days............

We went to Mexico last month for a bit of sun and relaxation. We had a great time. You would see variations of a T-shirt that said ‘No Bad Days” with a guy fishin’ or just sitting beach front with a cocktail that involved fruit. Side note - those are not my drinks. Perhaps two finger of good bourbon neat or an expertly crafted dry vokda martini up with an olive - mostly so Mela can have it - unless it is stuffed with blue cheese of course.

Anyway No Bad Days. I truly do believe that. That being said - there are good days and there are hard days. Some really hard. Good days are not hard but hard days are good. As I write this it is the day of the California International Marathon. I imagine even for the elite runners it is hard let alone the first timers but the good far outweighs the hard. Or maybe you worked really hard on a project at work and got a much deserved raise. You get the idea. We all have different standards. For example with the damp weather we are having - we have some ants. If Mela finds a few wandering the kitchen island it is a hard day. And for simply including this modest example it may assure I have a hard day.

In November of 2024 I went blind and had a horrific rash from head to toe which were side effects from the drugs fighting my cancer. Crazy hard. Thank goodness for steroids and cortisone cream. I believe I came out better for it. Admittedly perhaps a different story if I remained blind. December 2024 I lost over 20 pounds in 10 days and my body was emaciated from my second two drug infusion. Again crazy hard. So hard and long to come back. I literally could not support my own weight for a push up and can now do 21 and working toward 30. Growth. Not too mention that during the - put on weight phase - I ate half a package of family sized double stuffed oreos in one sitting without guilt or concern. Talk about good.

Do I want the cancer? Of course not. Do I pray for it to go away? Absolutely! But there has been good and growth. I think I have improved but that is too deep for this simple soul. Did I mention the lobster roll at Woodhouse Fish Market, the vanilla sprinkle donut at Johnny’s Donuts, the carnitas taco at the Taco Bar? For those of a certain age - that expression of - I will bet you dollars to donuts is long gone! Overnights when I needed them for my treatment at our kids house and seeing our grandson. My blog this past year is really a look at his first year. Such a blessing. Our vacation to France that we may or may not have taken but for my - Best if used by date. I have been able to share my story of Faith, Family, Friends, Fun and Cancer on two podcasts. I have the audacity to think I have something to say. In short - Hard is good. That’s where the juice is.

Be Kind, Be Humble, Stay Strong and God Bless!

I received this comment from this post when I posted on my metastatic cancer FB group page. It made my day!!!

2038..................

Good news at least from my perspective. October and November bloodwork were good as well as my November MRI and CT scan. Seems a little pessimistic but tend to think of no growth or spreading of the cancer as the absence of bad news. Any shrinkage no matter how minute would be good news and of course - no signs of the cancer would be phenomenal news. Anyway entering the holidays on a bright note.

My oncologist, Dr Kim has on several occasions mentioned that clients with my cancer are still around after 5-7 years. I have said before I want to hear about the 15-20 year guys. But we are all terminal and in the words of Janis Joplin - tomorrow never comes. I feel a bit like I have a bit of a - Best if Used By Date stamp. I have searched every bit of my body with a magnifying glass but cannot find the stamp anywhere. So who knows………..

Mela and I plan to live the next “five to 7 years” to the fullest for lack of a better word but certainly no intention of giving up at any point in time. After all what would you do without my missives to read? So I needed a plan. Some sense of vision or future to picture.  Mela and I were married in August of 2013. So my plan is to see our 25th wedding anniversary in 2038. What a party it will be. Everyones invited. There you have it. Just over 12 and a half years to go. See you then.

Wednesday, November 5 when I got my immunotherapy infusion I noticed the pictured coloring book on the table in the lobby. Brought a chuckle. Apparently a patient had brought it in. I have always kept my therapy pretty PG so I will spare you a sample of the inside of the book. Lets just say the language was ‘colorful’. But certainly a sense of honesty to it given what people at the center are going through.

Be Kind, Be Humble, Stay Strong & God Bless!