happy 4th of july

Independence Day.  Over 200 years ago our founding fathers essentially performed acts of treason to develop this great country. In doing so they crafted one of the most brilliant, eloquent and yet so simple documents ever written.  The Constitution.  I look forward to the return - in I hope the not too distant future - of civil discourse by both our elected officials and our fellow man.

Back to the important stuff. To me anyway.  Good days and bad days.  I think and hope that my brain will adjust to the fact that I only have one eye.  I miss my other one.  My finger continues to come up about an inch short of the touch screen on the treadmill, bike and stairs at the club.  Merging onto the freeway and pulling far enough into a parking spot remain challenges.  I have also realized how much your eyes scanned a book or magazine. My reading is much more deliberate.  Actually anything requiring even modest skill takes extra time, some almost indiscernible.  I am very cognizant that countless thousands are doing more with less but this is my story. 

Adding to this recent on set of ‘bad days’ is the looming biopsy result date.  As I have said before the risk levels are low, medium and high. There is not a no risk.  Over the last number of weeks I had with some success putting these coming results into the nose bleed seats.  They now want court side.  I have now decided that Wednesday July 25 is National Biospy Result Drinking Day. So come 5 pm wherever you are hoist your favorite beverage and Cheers to all those that have fought and continue to fight this battle with evil.

On a brighter note as we prepare to celebrate this 4th of July - my new eye is less than 2 weeks away!  God Bless!

2018. in the blink of an eye......

The curtain has closed on the first half of 2018.  Where does the time go? It certainly has not been the six months I had planned, wished for or dreamt of.  Frankly it would be really easy to be harsh at the very least regarding my depiction of the last few months.  However that would not be fair or do justice to the outpouring of love, support and friendship from all those that reached out to me from diagnosis to testing to surgery to recovery.

I don’t know that the last couple of days of June could have ended on a better note.  Friday June 29, Mela and I along with her sister, Sue and Mark, her fiance went to see the Steve Martin and Martin Short show at the Golden One Center in Sacramento.  Prior to the show we enjoyed an excellent dinner at Frank Fats, an institution in downtown Sacramento. 

Mela and I at the Steve Martin and Martin Short show

Back to the show. Steve Martin and Martin Short were comically brilliant.  A fantastic show.  We had great seats on the floor and thoroughly enjoyed the performance.  It felt so good to laugh so hard and just forget for awhile. While you may never see this thank you Steve and Martin.

The next day I had lunch with my oldest, John and his family.  Legally I suppose he is my ex stepson. But I raised him and l love him and consider him my family.  John and his wife Sarah and their two boys, Gordon and Russell had spent the week in Tahoe with family and stopped on their way home to join me for lunch.  We met at Selland’s in the El Dorado Hills Town Center for a bite to eat.  It was great to see them and enjoy their company for a hour or so before they continued their journey home to Monterey. 

John, Sarah, Gordon and Russel and yours truly

That evening was Rick and Mela’s annual 4th of July client appreciation event.  Their is food, drink, snow cones, a band and fireworks over Cameron Park Lake.  The end of the first half of 2018 truly went with a BANG!

I do not know what the second half brings but for my biopsy results.  Luckily July 25 is a Wednesday.  Rick and I will be occupying bar stools at either Sienna or C Knight’s.  Come on by and belly up but leave your platitudes at the door.  I do not know what the results will bring but could you imagine if we were all born with a stamped ‘best if used by date’.  Just wonderin’……

Christmas is Coming..... With a prosthetic eye

A three-legged dog and a one-eyed man walk into a bar…….. I could not make this shit up. Pardon my French.  That was all Sam.  His poodle humor. He also said the name of the bar was the Lucky Dog Saloon.  Anyway, in counting my blessings I do now include the fact that my parents did not name me Jack. Enough…

The scheduled day for Christmas is July 16.  My first appointment with Eric Lindsey, my prosthetic eye artist was last week.  He essentially put I believe a silicon gel in my eye to create a mold.  Today, Wednesday, June 27 was my second appointment.  From the first mold he created a wax mold which he placed in my eye several times while he shaped it so it would fit perfectly. July 16 I get my new eye.  Eric in addition to his profession is an accomplished sculptor and painter.  He showed me a couple of images of sculptures that he is currently working on both of which were great pieces.

July will be a full month.  Mela and I have two separate real estate conferences in the middle of July.  Being surrounded by hundreds if not several thousand amped realtors will be a test.  I will not have my eye for the first event in Anaheim but will for the second in Las Vegas.  The end of July is my appointment with my oncologist at which time I will get the results of my biopsy - low, medium or high risk of the cancer returning.  What is the antithesis of Christmas?  No good news just a hope for less bad news.  My optimism will be sorely tested.

During the prior two weeks I only made it to the gym three days each week.  I am 3 for 3 this week and hope to make it all five.  It’s funny.  The more I go the more calibrated the equipment appears to be.  Still not a fan of the scale.  Need to lose a few pounds.  Lifetime has a really fancy scale that provides detailed information such as percentage of body fat and skeletal muscle mass. It is just showing me pictures of marshmallows and mac&cheese.

My next appointment with my primary care physician, Dr. Kujok, is August 6 - four months to the day of my original diagnosis.  Given my current circumstances he wants to do some additional blood work to check for prostate cancer and any other issues. Yeah. I guess that day will be both something of a beginning and an end.  What a crazy 120 plus days it will be and has been to date. God bless!

Life Goes On. But with an eye out..........

Four weeks since my surgery.  And the year is almost half over.  However the big news is that my daughter Nicole, boyfriend Dwight and their daughter Niko are moving to LA to pursue dreams.  Nicole is a cosmetologist and Dad has every faith that she will enjoy every success.

Niko

I have concluded that the journey down to visit them will be mini vacations of their own.  I think taking two days down via 395/Eastern Sierras and two days back after the visit via 1 and 101 along the coast is in order given my recent set of circumstances.

Dwight and Niko

I hope all the Dads out there had a terrific Fathers Day this past weekend.  Saturday night Gina and her beau, Steven drove up from the city for a early Fathers Day dinner but mostly to see Niko before the move to LA. It was great to see Nicole and Gina and everyone together for a nice dinner at Zocalo’s in mid town Sacramento.

Over the last couple of weeks I have driven down to Sacramento for some doctor visits and eastward to Placerville for dinner with Mela at one of our favorite places - Hey Day Cafe.  This past week I also ventured to the driving range to hit some balls.  It wasn’t so much working on the game - I needed some fresh air and an excuse to swing hard and hit something. That said the swing was maybe not good but not too bad.  Kind of sad actually that I am not too much worse with only one eye.  I think that short chip shots and putting will be the most difficult. 

It is finally dawning on me that life goes on (which is a very good thing) but no magic pill.  Bought a lottery ticket. Could not believe I did not win.  Still have not had a home buyer approach me out of the blue and say they are moving from the Bay Area and want to buy a home in El Dorado Hills and vacation home in Tahoe with a total budget of $4 million cash. And decorate it with some of my fine art black & white photography of the Eastern Sierras. But I know all this will come. Ok maybe not the lottery ticket.

Life does indeed go on and I am eternally grateful.

New Normal. But stll with an Eye out.....

Mela relinquished her Sam carrying duties this past Thursday.  I am not sure who is more grateful - Sam or Mela but he did virtually leap into my arms. He is grateful to be back on our mini adventures, in the back of the car, or otherwise know as errands. Sorry you did not get much of a break from my musings but I had something to say.  Actually like so many of us I think I have something to say.

Over the last 10 days I survived a trip to the mall.  If you know me that is saying a lot. I am not crazy about crowds and like being aware of my surroundings.  I drove on the freeway - not far but did get on it.  Merging onto the freeway is the hardest part.  How many motorcyclists would continue to split lanes if they thought each driver only could see out of one eye?  Just wondering……

Several daily routine things that require that brief moment of extra care are simply getting toothpaste on the toothbrush,  placing my razor back in its stand, and inserting a credit card into the chip reader.  None of this is meant as a complaint but mere observations and even some small victories.

My sister Suzanne and my cousin Doug came up the hill on separate occasions to join me for lunch which I greatly appreciated. A good reason to get out of the house.  Nicole, Dwight and Niko came up for a visit as well.  Also a long time friend - over 40  years - Kevin came up this past Wednesday for drinks and a bite to eat.  Mela and I had dinner with Kevin and his wife, Val shortly after my diagnosis.  It was actually wine, dinner and more wine. A much needed evening. Thursday was drinks and dinner with Rick.  I remain grateful and count my blessings for my friends and family. Wow four paragraphs about nothing but yet hopefully something. Like a bad Seinfeld episode.

I heard sooner than I anticipated from my prosthetic eye artist.  My first appointment for fitting and design is June 26 and will have the eye by July.  I am excited. Christmas in July!!!

Yesterday, Friday I went to Lifetime Fitness for the first time in about three weeks.  So disappointing. The treadmill was not calibrated at all.  I set it for an easy walk at 4 mph and a 1 percent incline.  I felt like I was sprinting up Half Dome. Hopefully over the coming weeks the weights and machines are better calibrated. I weighed and no - eyes do not weigh 10 pounds.

Friday afternoon with putter in hand I went up to my course to try my hand at putting on the practice green.  Not bad but definitely not good. If you are right handed your left eye is your line of sight for putting.  No one on the Senior PGA has anything to worry about.

Friday concluded with the SF Giants winning, Golden State sweeping Cleveland and dinner with the love of my life.  Not a bad day.  Cheers to a new normal.

Post op. lookin' forward........

Yesterday, Thursday, May 31st was my post op appointment with my surgeon, Dr Alex Grand.  The appointment was fruitful though anti-climatic but in a very good way due to the extraordinary quality of work from Dr Grand.  I am immensely grateful to him and the team he worked with.  Dr Grand stated my bruising was minimal, much more so than some patients and  that he would expedite the prosthetic eye process.  

Me and Dr. Alex Grand

Dr Grand provided me with the name and contact information of Eric Lindsey Prosthetic Artists and the contact information.  He stated that Eric did excellent work and that I would enjoy working with him which I know that Dr Grand would not say lightly.  Getting my prosthetic eye will be like Christmas morning.  But I think the  timeframe for Christmas is roughly August 1 - that is OK.  In less than 20 minutes, Mela and I were on our way - to the cleaners actually where this journey began.

May 31st was eight weeks to the day from my April 5 ophthalmologist appointment that set this journey in motion. These eight weeks have been somewhat of a blur punctuated by incredible moments of intensity and clarity.  What a journey it has been.  And will continue to be.

In the coming weeks I will meet with my prosthetic artist, June 21 is an appointment with my primary care physician, Dr Kujok for general follow up.  The next big hurdle is the results of my biopsy and whether I fall into a low, medium or high risk category for the cancer returning.  Unfortunately there is not a no-risk category.  The only thing I have determined to date is that each increased level of risk directly corresponds to an increased number of weeks of vacation per year.  I look forward to getting to work and planning for retirement but as the saying goes - there are no uhauls behind a hearse. 

I do not meet with my oncologist, Dr Tsai until July 25 at which time I should get the results and a better understanding of their implications.  Again, I want to say how grateful I am for the quality of care I have received from all the medical staff every step of the way.  I gladly pay my insurance premium every month.

One of the images taken the day before my surgery. 

For now it is time to move on with my new normal.  I will return to the gym the week after next and get back to carrying Sam up and down the stairs.  He sticks to me like super glue each time that Mela is to carry him.  He makes me laugh.  I will field test activities I have enjoyed such as riding my bike and golf.  I could barely play with two eyes so we shall see how it goes.  I recently bought a new pair of hiking boots and look forward to getting on the trail with my camera.  I need a drive down 395.

One more from the photo session.

I think this brings me to closing the curtain on Scene 1.  It is now intermission.  I will be back with anything of note and perhaps a story from the last eight weeks that I had forgotten.  But for now - God Bless!

Lastly, me and my lovely wife Mela that I am so blessed to wake up next to each morning

Driving. You better keep an eye out..........

Well it has been almost a week since my surgery and I would characterize today as my first ‘normal’ energy day.  Doctor’s orders that I stay away from the gym for two weeks.  Mela and I both enjoy the LifeTime facility each morning that opened about a year ago in Folsom.  No problem missing this week as I recover but will miss going next week.  So hard to make progress and so easy to fall back.  Mela said something about the Sculpin IPAs and ice cream but that didn’t make any sense.

Anyway I thought I would get behind the wheel today for a couple of close errands.  Drop off a couple of things at our church for the kids base camp this summer and then to Target.  Church is about a mile from our house and Target is maybe 3 - located in the El Dorado Hills Town Center.  It took a lot longer than I thought.  It is much more difficult than you might imagine getting around town only making right turns. I think it will be a bit before I make it as far west as Sacramento or east to Placerville.

Optimism. Gotta' keep an eye out.......

Day 5 and the surgeon’s initials AG that he crafted above my left eye in permanent marker have all but dissipated. There was probably a number of ‘acceptable’ mistakes for my surgery but the wrong eye was not one of them.

Optimism.  I have used that word the last couple of days and it made me wonder.  I am not a pessimist but nor do I see through the window a field of rainbows and bunny rabbits - and yet I am optimistic.

First let me say.  I hate cancer. I hate losing an eye.  I was given two at birth. I want two. I am a visual person, long time photographer and visual learner.  Yes, I will now only learn half as much or half as fast.

To address my optimism my two benchmarks for success on the surgery were waking up and the correct eye.  Success.  Secondly this is life changing.  It is not being pessimistic about your teams chances for the playoffs or even not getting the job. A pessimistic outlook for the remainder of your days is not good or fair to anyone.  

Next,  I had a number of weeks to come to terms with losing my eye prior to the surgery and the tumor had already left my about 80 percent blind.  As a reminder, my oncologist recommended removal over radiation.  Dr Grand had asked if I had had any radiation treatment and I said no.  He was glad in that meant no build up of scar tissue  to cut through during the procedure.  I commented that I was nearly blind anyway from the tumor.  He then stated radiation to the eye is akin to placing in a microwave.  If not before I knew then that removal was the way to go.  I did not want an eye the way Mela likes her steak - medium well. A glass eye it is.

Finally, I had prayed and asked God, much before the results of the CT Scan, that I could see a few more sunrises.  He has graced me with life and one good eye to do just that.  I figured if you wake up and see the sunrise - it is your day to seize. So I remain optimistic.

So with my movie star good looks intact, I will continue to go forth on my journey of blind faith (yeah, I know) toward hope and optimism.

Should pessimism rear its ugly head comic relief abounds.  I do not know if it was editorial comment or if Mela had placed undue pressure on Sam’s bladder but he chose to relieve himself on her foot as she carried him downstairs.  Mind you not once in the 8 plus weeks that I have carried Sam has he done that.  Just sayin’…..

Happy Memorial Day! Still keepin' an eye out......

Happy Memorial Day!  Cancer recently took my eye but the true meaning of this day gets things in perspective real quick.  Thank you to all the men and women that sacrificed everything in defense of our country.  You will not be forgotten!

Me and my oldest Major John Holcomb at the Monterey Naval Postgraduate School last year at his promotion ceremony

Today is Monday which means first shower day since my surgery.  Mela is glad. It felt good.  If I am to go a few days without a shower I have to admit that I would much prefer it be I am camping under the stars at Grand Teton National Park.  All of our national parks are absolute treasures but it remains one of my favorite.

I was last at the Tetons and its sister park, Yellowstone in July 2011 with my daughter, Nicole. What a great trip!  I clearly digress but perhaps old memories and the idea of new ones help with the healing of life’s trials and tribulations.

Anyway the bruising is down and the eyelid continues to open up. I remain optimistic but am looking forward to my post op appointment with Dr Grand this coming Thursday, May 31st.

Enjoy your hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, ice cold beer and homemade ice cream today but remember freedom isn’t free.

I Will Keep an Eye Out........

The May 18 post captures my journey from April 5th through the date of surgery, May 24th.  For awhile I was adding everything to the May 18 post but will continue to update through new posts.  Many thanks.

Pre-Surgery, Let's do this!

I’m back.  It is Saturday morning. To recap the surgery went very well.  I was still lights out but the surgeon, Dr Grand explained to Mela and Rick that it was textbook.  The surgery was around 3 pm and I was home by 7 pm.  Round Table Pizza, Ice Cream and the Golden State Warrior Game with the company of my wife and Rick rounded out the evening.

Friday mostly consisted of the PGA and the Giants game on TV and a few phone calls, texts and emails from friends and family checking-in.  I actually felt pretty good and already know that I see better with the blur gone from my left eye.

The patch is not yet off.  I am supposed to wait two days.  With some modest trepidation I will remove it later today. Currently there is a somewhat clear silicon ball where my eye was in order that my eye does not heal shut and as Dr Grand put it I will be able to see the pinkish tissue behind the eye.  One of the post-op instructions is to not look in the mirror too much. I am bald and have a beard so hair care and shaving can take a back seat for awhile.  I am surprisingly comfortable with my new normal.  It appears that much of my remaining concern was the general idea of surgery and not the procedure itself per se.

Sam is getting used to the idea of Mela carrying him up and down the stairs since one my few do’s & don’ts post surgery is lifting anything heavy.  He still looks at her as if it Dad’s job. He is funny. 

The patch came off late yesterday afternoon.  It was anti-climatic.  While not perhaps a good long term look I was pleasantly surprised.  Of course some bruising and a white silicon ball with hints of blood red where my final prosthetic will be but the precision of the surgery is nothig shy of amazing. Feeling optimistic. And the Giants and Warriors both won!

Sunday morning and another sponge bath. But I get to shower tomorrow.  However I did shave today and put on big boy clothes - just shorts and a t shirt but did get out of my pajamas.  Drank my coffee on the deck in the morning sun. Felt glorious.