Final Chapter............

I remain about a month away from the one year anniversary of my diagnosis.  But I decided against giving it too much creedence and am concluding early.  I wish I had something profound to say or some great lesson that I could articulate to the two of you.  But I don’t which is okay with me.

What a journey it has been and will continue to be I suppose.  April 5 of last year I went in for a routine opthamologist appointment and saw an ocular oncologist the next day.  I learned the next day that I had choroidal melanoma and would lose my left eye.  It turns out that perpetuity is a long time.  Additionally,  this cancer likes to come back to the liver and the lungs. 

Lila, Ever Faithful Editor-in-Chief, might need a new gig

I think that is one of the things that bugs me the most. You lose your eye - OK.  You have cancer - OK. But the fact that this evil wants another bite of the apple really irks me. Oh well.

The fact is this is 2019 and this April 5 and 6 we will be celebrating Mela’s birthday.  I had the surgery to remove my eye on May 24 of last year.  But this is 2019 and I will be at my son’s, Kyle Holcomb’s, wedding in Flagstaff, Arizona on May 25.

My dear sweet Sam will be 9 this March 8 and look forward to fixing him and Lila there  cheeseburgers.  They have been my loyal poodle possee throughout this past year.  We go most everywhere together. Dear friends throug it all.

Not sure what the rest of the year brings but it is all good.  I do feel at times that the roller coaster has been going up for awhile.  Not really sure that I want it to drop all at once. Be nice to have it plateau and enjoy the view for a bit. We shall see.

I will be getting my MRI and chest X Ray sometime in the next 6 weeks.  Preferrably excellent results.  Greatly prefer 20 years over 20 months. I believe my faith has grown over the past year.  Nothing like losing an eye to see clearly.  At this point in time it is all good. I have been blessed.

But this past year has been a dark season in my life.  Even in the darkness there are moments of illumination.  Great medical care. Outreach of friends and family.  I actually think I coped well with the diagnosis and even the surgery.  I was so anxious to get the tumor out.  In July I received my prosthetic eye which made me whole visually - at least to others.

Perhaps somewhat ironically it was later in the year that I found it more difficult.  As a visual learner my confidence and identity were sorely tested.  I had left a career that I had known for years and barely starting a new venture in real estate, photography is something I had always treasured and not sure how that will play out, what about my golf game, still have not gotten on my bike - balance is an issue.  I am very much aware that so many people are in worse predicaments but have tried to share this as my story - And we all have our story.  It is as my story unfolds and I try mightily at learning new skills and truly realizing that life simply goes on that I both celebrate and ask questions.

It is as I ramble to a close that I am aware my voice is waning and it is time for this to be my last post.  I am greatly humbled and appreciative of those that have dared follow along.  For me it has been great therapy.  I hope those of you that have read my missives have learned something or hopefully had a laugh or two.  A sense of humor is critical.

I will leave with a couple of things.  At church today one of the principle questions was “What is the most loving thing to do?” as a way of guiding our actions and affections.

Be Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble. God Bless!

March Madness

Mela and I decided to do the Lifetime Fitness 60 day challenge. It was a good window for us.  It started just after my birthday and ends at her birthday.  My goal is more of a realistic and healthy lifestyle change compared to a one and done. We eat pretty good and exercise most every weekday.  In short I needed to push myself at the club and a little less Tuesday wine.  But word must be getting out about my restraint.  We have been members at the Renwood Winery for the last few years. Great wine and excellent venue. They just sold to Rombauer.  

My goal is to lose 7 pounds and reduce my body fat by 4 percent.  I have lost 4.5 pounds in the first three weeks but body fat is not shifting so much.  Apparently becoming a thin marshmallow. But I have faith. I am still planning on the marathon in December and a real estate role play partner has committed to running it with me.  I think I will do a fundraiser for the Ocular Melanoma Foundation.  So save your loose change.

On a different note, I am trying to schedule my next MRI.  What a pain. I get the whole insurance thing. But you would think that after someone has been diangosed and is being treated for an illness with a known protocol that every step of the way would not be so complicated. Oh well. I do remain grateful for the care I have received to date. But still……. The MRI should be sometime in April.   If my type of cancer comes back - it likes the liver and the lungs with no statistical survival rate.  It is very rare and does not get much in the way of research dollars hence my fundraiser.  Hopefully excellent results. 

Now that some time has passed I often get asked if my brain has adapted regarding depth of field etc. I always try to provide a fair and honest answer based on my experience but in short - No. Maybe I am just old or a slow learner. I have learned some modest tricks that make things easier but honestly do not feel my brain has adapted so to speak.  Little did I know in college going out on Friday and Saturday night that I was killing the “You are going to get cancer and lose your left eye so get ready to adapt” brain cells. Damn. I guess that is hindsight.

I am sure you have noticed and are grateful that the posts are fewer and farther between.  But next month is the one year anniversary of this journey so stay tuned.

Be strong, be kind, be humble and God Bless!

Happy Birthday To Me

With gratitude firmly in hand I successfully reached my 59th year today. In the words of an old friend, Terry Eagan, “Birthdays -The annual reminder of our own mortality”. While enjoying today I Iook forward to 60, 61, 62, 63………And dare I say 80.  Mind you this is not in a hurry up and wish my life away kind of thing.  Rather, I honestly want to savor every day for it is a blessing.  It may not be a good day - trust me I know - but I just turn a ‘blind eye’ to the bad days blessing may they be.

My niece’s little, Beau

Unfortunately, the good looking guy with the cake on his face is not me.  He is my niece’s little boy celebrating his first birthday and doing it right if I may say so.  I want to know.  When did we lose that joyful innocence of eating our birthday cake with such exuberance?!  I want it back.  So I here by delcare that on your birthday whether you are celebrating at the Firehouse, Biba’s, Ella’s, the Waterboy, The Kitchen or at home with friends and family you are entitled to lift that dessert plate and lick every last morsel of the birthday celebration.

The way to eat birthday cake

Wait.  It’s OK. I know what you are thinking.  I already had my birthday this year - why didn’t you say something sooner? I further declare that if your birthday has transpired prior to this column that you may pick a day - perhaps your half birthday in 6 months and appropriately celebrate at that time.

Dessert at Localis, Chocolate cake with burnt cream and citrus

This past weekend was a delight.  Mela is better than yours truly deserves but do not tell her that.  We got a massage Saturday afternoon.  The poor masseuse.  I had more knots in my back than the last piece of rope at a Boy Scout Jamboree. It felt really good. Much needed and what a treat.  That evening we had dinner at Localis located at the corner of 20th and S in downtown Sacramento.  We did the tasting menu with the wine pairing. Amazing. Food meets art.  The presentation, the flavors - everything was outstanding.  And the waitress and I share a birthday.

Sunday was the Superbowl at Rick’s with pizza and birthday cake.  Definitely a good birthday weekend.  But there is one person that arguably had it better.  Chris, my nephew, the marathon runner who lives in Boston - that I have mentioned previously spent his 29th birthday at the Superbowl in Atlanta watching his all time favorite team win. And it was all paid for by his employer.  Truly a birthday for the ages. But would not trade mine for anything.

Chocolate cake from Ettore’s, Happy Birthday to me!

The year is off to a good start and look forward to it getting even better.

Be Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble and God Bless!

Happy New Year.......

I had an epiphany.  Not really.  But I did come to the conclusion that I want to come back as a spoiled Carmel beach dog.  Can you think of anything better?  Every morning you take a walk with your pawents down to the beach to chase the shore birds, play fetch and meet new four legged friends from all over the world - German Shepards, English Sheep Dogs, Siberian Huskies, Alaskan Malamutes, Australian Shepards and French Poodles to name just a few. You then stroll home and take your rightful place with the ocean view near the fire place while your pawents fix their breakfast knowing all the while that you get to clean their plate with that last bite of Applewood bacon and Belgian Waffle.

Can I please go to the beach with my friends?

For the purpose of conversation should you in about 25 years see a ruggedly handsome dog on the beach in Carmel that is the happiest dog there and goes by the name of Patch - please come and say hello (but bring treats).

Mela and I were in Carmel over New Years. What a great three days!  Great weather, great food and best company. We had purchased a piece of photographic art in August as a joint gift for our five year wedding anniversary.  The image by Christopher Burkett had to be framed so we said we would come back to pick it up. So spending New Years in Carmel was our excuse to pick up the art.

Our view at breakfast

Our breakfast companion

Monday morning we had a late breakfast at the Pacifics Edge Restaurant (don’t tell Katy) which is on the Highlands Inn property just south of Point Lobos. We sat on the deck and basked in the late morning sun and took in the absolutely spectacular view of the coastline - along with our friend the California Gull.  Trivia time.  I learned a number of years ago at the Pacific Grove Museum of Natural History that there is no sea gull.  The sea gull is the California gull but is often seen at the ocean.  After a scrumptious breakfast we decided to simply bum around Carmel.  That evening we had a spectacular dinner at 7th and D - a steak house. Oysters, crab cake, french onion soup, steak and lobster, upside down cake with bourbon ice cream. Craft cocktails and red wine of course.  Indulgent. A resounding Yes.  After the trials and tribulations of the past year it felt really good to end the year on such a positive note. So good. We are truly blessed.

The next day, Tuesday January 1, 2019, sadly our last day, we did have a late breakfast at Katy’s.  Delicious of course. Before departing we went for a long walk along the beach.  Little did I know what a great idea it was.  As we walked hand-in-hand I let the last of the grit, worries and concerns of 2018 wash out with the tide while at the same time the cool Pacific breeze awakened my senses of the hopes, dreams and possibilities of 2019

I don’t think it would have been possible to have had a better three days.  New Years in Carmel may become a Fratarvaloff tradition.  I sincerely hope that each and everyone of you had a tremendous New Years and that 2019 is a great year.

Stay strong, be kind, be humble and God bless!!!

Merry Christmas

First and foremost, I want to wish all of you your absolute best version of a very, very, very Merry Christmas!!!

Christmas Decorations at Downtown Disney

What a year it has been having concluded my last doctors appoinment for 2018.  Four appointments with my oncolgist, four appointments with my prosthetic eye artist, four appointments with my primary care physician, three appointments with my surgeon, one surgery to remove my left eye and cancerous tumor attached to it, one CT Scan, one MRI, one EKG and countless blood work.  Alas, not one partridge in a pear tree.

But so many good things.  My first trip to Scottsdale with Mela for Sprng Training to see my beloved SF Giants,  Wednesday’s with Rick,  dinner and drinks with close friends, regular lunches with my cousin, 5th wedding anniversary in Carmel with Mela, the love of my life, the Dodgers got beat like a tin drum in the World Series, so many beautiful sunrises and sunsets, my granddaughter turned 2, my dear Sam is still doing great, Mela is five years cancer free and of course the wedding of he century to name a few.

I think my primary goal for 2019 is to simply reduce my doctor appointments by about 80 percent and the same for my two four legged friends. My Sam with his cancer and broken leg.  He is a poster child for bad ass and my sweet Lila with her Addisons’s disease.  She needs a shot every 25 days but hopefully that will be our only vet visit next year.

One of my nephews, Chris, is a marathon runner. A very good one.  He was regularly running a marathon in the 3 hour and 20 minute range.  He recently upped his training regimen and in my opinion reached elite runner status.  He recently finished a marathon in 2 hours and 50 minutes. He followed that up a month later with the CIM, with a cold, in 2 hours and 55 minutes.  It was great to see him finish. 

But it also sucks. It planted a seed. Can I do it next year at 59 years of age? I plan to. I am confident I can get in the physical condition to at least finish but I have not really tested these old joints in a long time. Worst case I will be in better shape. My primary goal will be to get across the finish line even if I have to crawl but will train to finish in about 5 and a half hours. So if you see a guy out there running along the American River Bike Trail with a patch over his left eye, it is probably me.

I passed my real estate exam earlier this year but have not yet done much but my goal is to sell 12 homes next year.  Who wants to be first? No worries. Mela who has been doing this for over 15 years will help this rookie. And word has it that I have an eye for real estate. 

Mela and I have Italy on our agenda for September.  I really need a vacation. Hopefully a few short road trips with Sam and Lila throughout the year.

I plan to learn Lightroom, a photography editing etc. program as well as getting a lot of my film images scanned.

I think we all need, plans, goals, dreams or something to look forward to.  They are what keeps us going when we suffer the setbacks of lifes trials and tribulations.  Life happens.

Be forewarned, I have heard from a couple of my readers, otherwise known as a majority, that they have enjoyed my blog and should keep it going. So who knows.

I hope that you all have a very Happy New Year that is full of joy, abundance, health, peace and prosperity.

In the meantime, Be Strong, Be Kind, Be Humble and God Bless!!!

Looking A Gift Horse in the mouth

I know it is with the best of intentions so some of you may think I am an ungrateful ass after reading this but that is okay.  I don’t care. But you have to admit it is the perfect photo for the post.

Anyway I have been on a unique, challenging and unwelcomed journey for the past seven plus months.  I have been blessed with a tremendous outpouring of love, friendship and support.  However, I get so annoyed when so people tell me that my brain will adapt or your good eye will increase its field of vision to compensate etc.  Sorry but you have no idea what you are talking about - if for no other reason than everyone is a little bit different.  Also please refrain from telling me about your friend that is a great golfer with one eye, or that he/she has gone back to doing everything they used to do even better than before.

Perhaps I should not be writing this missive in a bad mood but it has not been a good couple of days - not related at all to the eye  but just not a good couple of days.  And I decided to get this off my chest prior to the holidays.

I do not want to speak for anyone else that has gone through a mental or physical life changing experience but I am open to questions about my journey.  Everybody is different and everybody has their story.  I have used this forum to articulate my story while  trying to make it informative about the process.  It may be presumptous on my part but I think it is a pretty good version of Eye Cancer for Dummies while being a decent read.

While I am happy to answer questions but if you are someone I see on occasion and I have given you my card with the website for my blog and asked you to read it please do not ask any questions indicating you clearly have not read it.  I get that does not make sense but hopefully those of you that are reading this can share with my non readers.  I have been more open and candid in this forum and subject than anything else in the 58 years I have been around. You can share with the non-readers I am thinking about doing a  video of me reading my blog for You Tube.

If you could not care less that is okay.  Or better yet if you simply wish to talk about the SF Giants, the PGA or damn near anything else that is okay too. i greatly appreciate those of you that have followed along with me on this journey and have thought I would be done with these missives on several occasions and yet here I am.  Again I will be doing a year end holdiday wrap up in December and am thinking that is it - but who knows.

God Bless!

Happy Thanksgiving.........

This Thanksgiving I am so grateful and thankful for my dear sweet Sam.  Of course I am thankful for my family and close circle of friends, and Lila of course.  But these past seven plus months Sam and I have ventured down the road of cancer together.  Comrades in Arms. Cancer Warriors. We have each carried each orther at different times. Never leaving one anothers side. Cancer took his front leg and my left eye (I still miss it) but not our spirits.

Me and Sam

But the year has been challenging.  As you may recall Sam got a deep tissue cancer around the first of March.  Mela and I thought we might have to put him to rest around April 1.   Then I was diagnosed with choroidal melanoma on April 6 and Sam proceeded to get better.  I guess he knew I would need him and him me.  And Lila keeps both of us on our toes.  I suppose that is what girls do.

But the days of ‘tree tag’ have waned.  Going back about six years I would come up the hill from work still in my suit and my Alden dress shoes to Mela’s home and Sam would come running out to meet me for a game of tree tag.  I would run around the scrub oak trees like an idiot and Sam would run and jump.  Mind you it was dark and Sam is a black standard poodle.  I am sure neighbors did not see Sam and wondered why some man is running around the yard like he is on fire. I did not care.  We have developed an inseparable bond.

I will continue to count so many blessings chief among them is that Mela has been five years cancer free.  And I hope that Sam and I will post another picture here in four years when we will have been cancer free for close to five years.

Happy Thanksgiving & God Bless

Eye on the Fires and More

My heart goes out to all those in Butte County and Southern California that are enduring these horrific fires.  The loss of property and tragic loss of life is unfathomable.  For  tunately a lot of people are doing a lot of good.  Our church, Vintage Grace, and others are sending up water and blankets.  Our contractor, Todd Bolger is going up with his food truck and cooking for a couple of days.  His barbecue is amazing.  I am donating 30 percent of all of my framed fine art black and white; and hand tinted black and whtite photography to the Camp Fire Recovery.  I know there are countless others that are doing good works during this most difficult time.

Weathered Barn near Homewood, CA

I have come to find the fires/poor air quality are really hard on my prosthetic eye.  It is not really the prosthetic eye but the eye socket.  It drains all the time and gets really irritated.  I leave the eye in virtually all the time but have taken it out several times over the last few days to rinse it and my eye socket due to the discharge from my eye socket.

I have recently found a Facebook page, Lost Eye, which is self explanatory.  I have found a couple of posts where people will wear an eye patch over their prosthetic eye during extreme cold, really high winds or poor air quality.  So if you see me with an eye patch I am not playing pirate unless of course Mela decides she likes that.

It was not more than a couple of days before the fires that I had my appointment with Eric Lindsey, my prosthetic eye artist.  He cleaned and polished my eye.  Apparently, I will do this about every six months.  I would like to going to your jeweler and having your ring cleaned or maybe it is more like seeing your dentist. I will go with the jeweler comparison since I am not a good dental patient.

This past weekend Mela and I went to go see Free Solo.  It is a movie about Alex Honnold free climbing El Capitan in Yosemite.  I used to work out with Alex’s aunt and have followed his climbing career as well as that of Jimmy Chin, a renowned “adventure” photographer and cinematographer who filmed the movie. It was a great film.  Talk about mindset.  Every move Alex makes on the mountain is literally life and death.  This one eyed wonder needs to step it up a notch.  I am getting there.  

God Bless!

Happy Halloween......

First the good news, perhaps not for all but hopefully most.  My chest X-Ray and MRI came back clean.  The cancer has not spread to my liver or lungs so I have a few more sunsets ahead.  However, I will be getting a couple of MRI’s each year for the next 3 to five years.

So, yes I made it through the MRI unscathed.  I kept my eyes closed about 99 percent of the time and never did look sideways.  I did not want to acknowledge how small the tube was.  And I let my mind wander.  I think it is the better part of valor to leave it at that.

For those that have been following along I did not meet my fitness goal but I have lost 4 to 5 pound since September 1 and am successfully keeping it off - but a few more to go.  Not too mention the muscle mass and body fat indices.

Pre-dinner snack after flight to LA

Now the good stuff.  Mela and I went to LA this past weekend to visit Nicole, Dwight and most importantly our granddaughter, Niko. We were joined by our other daughter Gina and her beau, Steven both of whom live in San Francisco.

Niko at Saturday Breakfast

Niko in the LA art district

We had a great weekend eating and drinking our way through LA.  Friday night we all met for dinner and drinks at a casual place in Echo Park.  It had a lot of beers on tap and a lot of TV’s that had the game on.  Unfortunately, as a life long Giants fan the place also had a lot of Dodger fans.

Saturday, we had a late breakfast at a place near their apartment before ubering to the LA art district to shop and meander about.  Of course we had to stop at Manuela’s around Noon for craft cocktails, oysters and house made biscuits with pear butter.  Then off to downtown LA, more specifically, Bottega Louies for our mid-afternoon snack.  They have phenonomenal food but I think are known for their pastries and macaroons.  One of the employees was very kind and gave Niko a pink macaroon. She was in heaven.

That evening Gina and Steven met up with some of their friends for dinner in Santa Monica.  Mela and I took Nicole, Dwight and Niko out for a belated birthday dinner for Nicole at the Park.  The food was excellent but the restaurant was quiet which I attribute to the fact the did not have any TV’s and it was game 4 of the World Series.

Sunday was brunch at the Alcove in Silverlake and then just hanging out at the kids apartment until we had to catch our flight home. We got to the airport early and watched game 5 while we had a bite to eat at Rock N Brews.  Our flight was delayed two hours but the good news is I was able to watch the Dodgers succumb to a crushing defeat against the Boston Red Sox in the 2018 World Series. Heck, even the Cubs have won a series in each of the last two centuries. 

Anyway, I spent the last few paragraphs musing about the only thing that really matters at the end of the day - family.  It was a great weekend. Oh, and Niko is going to be a dinosaur for Halloween.

God Bless!

MRI

As it turns out, MRI does not mean - still got “My Right I”.  Who knew?  According to webmd it stands for magnetic resonance imaging and is a test that uses powerful magnets, radio waves, and a computer to make detailed pictures inside your body.

My MRI is slated for this Saturday at 1:45 pm.  If I were to list a million things to do on a Saturday afternoon an MRI would not be one of them.  In scheduling the appointment, the woman, I believe Holly asked a number of screening questions including - are you calustrophobic to which I replied - yes a little bit.  She followed up with you do know you will be in a tube.  Yes, I know.  She did not add on that everyone does great etc. Just the next question.

In telling Mela last evening about my upcoming MRI she added that it is incredibly loud.  Yeah - a tiny loud tube. Additionally, my daughter, Nicole told me about a month ago that it was one of Dwight’s worst experiences.  I will just have to go to my ‘happy place’.  Think Happy Gilmore.  If I need to explain this I do not know that we can be friends.  

After concuding with all the screening questions including do I have any metal in my body - I guess due to the magnetic thing - Holly provided a few brief instructions.  Essentially nothing to eat or drink except clear liquids two hours prior to the MRI.  I forgot to ask if vodka counted as a clear liquid.

Those of you that know me - know I can get anxious and am not looking forward to this procedure but the results it will provide are far more critical.  It will show whether the cancer has returned and spread to my liver and lungs.  I will get the results when I next see my oncologist - on Halloween.

God Bless!